As
this May 2016 comes to a close, I feel compelled to share something I have not
shared with many people before, and certainly not this way, publicly on social
media. I realized last month that this May marks the 10 year anniversary of a
very pivotal event in my life. I also realized through a conversation with one
of my children, who shall remain nameless, that this, sharing certain things
about myself is a weak area for me. Talking to people, posting funny stories
about my kids or giving my opinion is my norm, my comfort zone. I rarely think I
am wrong; Jerry can substantiate this (LOL!) and I love to make people laugh. I
also don’t mind, through my writing making people cry or feel lots of emotion.
BUT, I absolutely do not like sharing my pain or vulnerability. This is
definitely something I should have gotten over years ago, but, well, I haven’t.
I am trying. I never thought it was necessary to share some of what I went
through. Probably for most it isn’t, but if it is part of my testimony than I may
be robbing God of His much deserved glory. Or maybe there is that one person
who does not understand what they’re going through, and reading my experience
and outcome might help or give them hope.
So
here it goes….. and I will attempt to make a long story short.... I said attempt!
To
give you a little back ground, I was very athletic, very active when I was kid,
pre-teen. We were in gymnastics, played softball, basketball, swam all summer
in our pool. I even played soccer here in Mustang so long ago that I had to
play on a boys’ team due to there not being a girls’ team for me to play on. I
always did well on the Presidential physical fitness tests. I loved getting those
reports back showing what percentage I was in the national ranking, I ranked
high. I was very active and had the appetite of a teenage boy. I was even proud
of the fact that when we stayed the night with our grandparents I was able to
eat more pancakes than both my older sisters and my grandpa. I ate nine,
without any effort. It was really cute, at that time, that I could do this. I
was tall for my age, almost 5’3” at 10, I I was thin and growing or so we thought, I stayed just under 5'3"… Then the
winter when I was 14. My life changed drastically… and remember, this is from
the point of view of a 14year old girl. In less than 2 months, I went from 100
lbs. to 145 lbs. BAM!!! What changed?
Doctor’s appointments, tests, blood work, more tests, exams, etc. talk about
adding insult to injury… They came to the obvious conclusion, my thyroid was
out of whack, my levels were low, and we discovered I had an irregular heart
murmur… isn’t a heart murmur an irregular heart beat? This has always confused me. Thankfully the
murmur has never caused me a moment of problems. However, the thyroid issue has
caused me more than my share of problems.
Probably more than it should have, but again, I was 14, kids are cruel,
especially boys who used to think you were pretty and oh the unrealistic body
types on the teen magazines! I withdrew from a lot of stuff due to feeling self-conscious
and uncomfortable in my own skin. Did I mention Dr. Richter decided although I was
old enough to have a thyroid problem, I was too young to treat. I was left to figure it out. Sigh! This was
devastating because my weight was NOT the only thing affected. My focus and
concentration were suffering, school became a chore, I became unhappy…. Well
losing 2 grandparents that winter/spring and my parents divorcing may have also
had a profound effect on my mood and lack of happiness. I know it led to my
stomach ulcer a year later. This was also a dangerous time for me. You see I struggled
to lose a pound, I went without eating, if I did eat I tried to eat healthy,
low cal, no fat…. Blah blah blah. So, the stomach ulcer got bad and I got to
where I could not hold down food. Even though I was treated, my diet had to be
changed to accommodate the healing process. Through this experience I lost
weight, and I discovered and adopted a very unhealthy habit that followed me
into adulthood. When I became weary of not eating, the other became my go to,
to keep off the weight. I was back down to a slender 104 lbs and very proud of
it….! Before you become impressed, the effects were long lasting, I am getting
to that part. I needed very strong glasses at 17 years old. I was told my eyes
were so bad I may need bifocals by the time I was in my 30s. Oh how my older
self would like to choke my younger self!
Fast
Forward now to 2006…. By this time, I have 5 children, which in itself is a
miracle. I was told at 26 after 2 kids that my thyroid was fine but my system
was in menopause…. 26??? Strangely in 1997 even though the Navy thought my
thyroid was fine, I literally did not show any trace of certain hormones in my
system. And according to a doctor in CC Texas who was off base who was helping
me, informed me I had almost no good cholesterol and very little bad. No, not
good! Anyway, 2006, 5 kids. 2 boys, 3 girls. Worth mentioning, our oldest son
was born with what some called a chromosomal defect, the doctor in Corpus
Christi set me straight and mentioned many babies born in the valley have
gastrochisis like our son. There is much malnourishment down there…. Ouch!
Major guilt plagued me. So now 5 kids
and I am more miserable than I could have ever imagined. I had zero energy, no
focus, no drive, no joy and I could not stay awake to save my life. I
homeschool, this was a bad situation. I rarely got dressed. If it wasn’t for
the help of a dear friend, Caron, you know who you are and my oldest daughter I
am not sure how Cole would have been taken care of as an infant. If I ate, I gained
weight, if I starved myself, I gained weight, if I breathed, I gained weight
and I was nursing!? I could not remember one day to the next, my sleep was not
restful. I was miserable, I felt hopeless. I have never been one to be
depressed. I always worked through what I had to and always tried to keep
going, keep fighting, keep overcoming. Determined, I had always found a way to
function and get by. I am told I am extremely obstinate… I think the exact
thing my mom says is, I am the most- stubborn person on planet earth. But I had
nothing left, my joy was non-existent I no longer wanted to find a way,
overcome. I had also become very mean in my misery. My determination was dead.
The last straw was when I looked at Jerry and said, “I honestly don’t care
whether or not I wake up in the morning.” With that Jerry said, “Enough, we’re
finding a doctor who can help you.”
May
2006, we found a doctor, a doctor who believed in natural healing. Fellow in Endrochronology,
etc. I went for my initial visit, blood work, weigh in, consult, etc. That week
we left for Houston, JBQ regionals. A week later I returned to see the doctor
to find out what was going on. I had not only gained 9 lbs. in that week I was exhausted,
more than usual. The doctor came in the room, looked at me compassionately and
leaned on the counter. My first thought was please God, don’t let him tell me
nothing is wrong… Yes, I wanted something to be wrong! First words out of his
mouth, “Have you killed anybody yet?” I replied as I began to cry, “No, but I have
wanted to.” His reply, “I can imagine. But we’re going to fix it so you don’t feel
this way anymore!” I cried and I cried and I cried! Turns out all this time my
thyroid was screwed up, big time. He then explained why the other doctors could
not tell. They lacked performing enough blood tests to look at other levels of
the thyroid. Most doctors only test 1-3, there are many more levels that need
to be tested to determine what is going on. He asked me about my kids, if any
had certain defects or neuro problems. At the time my answer was no. He was
shocked, not only that I had 5 kids, and he said do not have anymore, your
thyroid cannot take it, but that not one was mentally retarded or suffering
neurologically. Of course we know now that Cole was affected by my condition,
but he is also exceeding expectations and already has an amazing testimony.
However, it did not end there. My blood work also revealed I have a condition
called Insulin Resistance. This was very likely contributing to my moods and exhaustion
as much as my low functioning thyroid. He explained this to me, gave me a diet
to follow and insisted I do so religiously as he then informed me of the even
worse news. According to the path I was on, he said I would be a diabetic by
the time I was 40, and heart disease is a major result of IR. Due to the over
production of insulin, my arteries would begin to harden…… Not what I wanted to
hear. But the worst news was yet to come. Although the low functioning thyroid was
not anything I could control, my IR was most likely and as I knew most
assuredly a self-inflicted condition. Yes, anorexia and bulimia had repercussions
I could never have imagined. It affected both my sons, my eye sight, my health
and my joy, the affects were long term.
This
gets better, so keep reading!!!!
BUT,
we definitely serve a God of second chances. I followed the diet, my new way of
eating, religiously. I lost 17.5 lbs in the first 28 days, and I had energy
lots of energy. By September of that year I had lost almost 50…. Then, God had
other plans and blessed us with baby #6, and I am so glad He did. Her nickname
is My Joy. I stayed on the diet through my pregnancy and beyond. In 10 years I have
only had 2 episodes’/blood sugar crashes and PTL, I have not had any blood
tests come back irregular. My thyroid has had to be increased. I now take more
than most, as much as women in their 70s…. But it’s natural, pig thyroid and I feel
better than I think I ever have. I do not have diabetes, and my heart appears
to have not been affected at all…. Oh, did I mention, (no one believes this), I
have grown an inch and a half in the last 10 years and I no longer require eye glasses…
No, I am not kidding! I was the shortest of the sisters, now, it appears I am
the tallest! I am down almost 70 lbs from my heaviest and again, I have more
energy than I did in my 20s. I am truly healthier than I have ever been! Other than
thyroid and vitamins, I am not on any meds of any kind. In fact, I haven’t had
an antibiotic in 10 years, other than when I had my c-sections.
I
know this was long, but I want anyone and everyone who reads this to understand
how bad things were and how much better they are now. Never ever give up hope,
never ever think it is too late, never think it can’t or won’t get better. God
made us resilient, all of us. I always hear how kids are resilient, but we all
are. We are made to do incredible things if we would only show discipline and
be faithful to what we need to do. I absolutely believe nothing is impossible
with God. In His hands I am able, I just have to be willing and obedient. It
isn’t always easy to say no to sugar and carbs that affect my insulin production,
but the benefits far outweigh the sacrifice… which really isn’t a sacrifice if
you think about it.
For
this, I get a lot of sympathy, sympathy I don’t feel I need or want. So, the
next time you see me at a church dinner or out to eat, don’t say how sorry you
are that I have to eat differently or that I have to say no to so many foods,
be happy for me. I am! It’s a choice, a choice I make every day. A choice that
has given me back my life and made me healthier. I believe God gave me this
life and I owe it to Him and to those I love to do and to be my best. I wouldn’t
go back to where I was 10 years ago for all the rolls and potatoes in the
world!
So, happy 10 year anniversary to me. I celebrate
with my protein drink, cottage cheese and berries, and low carb avocado roll
ups, oh and better health!Here’s to trusting in God and never giving up!
